Who is watching the store?

I have some issues with certain collectors. Most are fine and appropriate, but the minority give the others a bad name and reputation.

We are told to be courteous and compassionate to those collecting Tzedoko, but some of them really make it difficult. Like the ones who collect from Borchu to Shemone Esrei, and even bother people in the middle of Shema, or those who approach the Shliach Tzibbur, which is never appropriate, as he is busy. ( Sometimes even in the middle of Chazoras HaShatz, which is extreme, but it has happened).

I assume these people are all frum and daven themselves, why can't they have a sensitivity to the people they are collecting from as well. Some shuls will put limits on when collecting is allowed, and although it might sound small minded, it is usually done after collectors have abused the good intentions of the Congregation.

Another thing I find somewhat irritating is the total lack of recognition on the part of the collectors. I recognize the two gentlemen who come every Friday, and the man who comes Thursday morning with his sign, my question is, if I give them money, and then move over a row, they ask me again, as if they have never seen me before! This happens mostly at the end of davening, when people are finishing, and then leaving, and will be approached by the same person two or three times. We are not just "marks" and it is sad to realize that we are perceived as such.

However, what I saw this morning makes everything else pale by comparison. First, a little background. I live within walking distance of the shul, and by virtue of that, I am in the "parking zone" where people will park for davening or events in the shul. I don't have a big problem with it, but some of the neighbors do.

Well, this morning as davening was finishing, and elderly ( white haired) gentleman came into shul with a younger man, both collecting. I recognized them, as my shul is obviously on their route. They walked out just ahead of me and got into their minivan, which had a handicapped sticker hanging from the window. ( I will be Don L'chav ZS'chus here and assume some other use of the car involves a handicapped person, but it surely wasn't either of the two collectors.)

They were parked across the street from the shul, on the side no one is supposed to park on, and no other cars were there. This is excusable, I guess, as there are no signs posted, and they are not from the neighborhood. What disturbed me the most is that the car was parked 3/4 of the way on my neighbor's grass. The grass is very soft now, and he happens to take care of his lawn.

Then it got worse. The car started to make a K-turn, but instead of doing the bulk of the turn on the pavement of the street, the driver ( who was the younger collector) backs up, perhaps ten feet onto the lawn that they were already significantly on top of, and turns around.

I was appalled that someone could have such little regard for someone else's property to just drive up and about on the lawn. I don't see how someone like that can be trusted with the public's money ( assuming they are collecting for someone else) if they so carelessly destroy property that doesn't belong to them.

I don't think I will be giving them any more money in the future.

hypocrite or realist?

A guy goes into a shul where he davens occasionally. He does not have a hat, as he is just coming home from work. This person usually wears a head covering of some kind ( other than a yarmulke, of course) but if he finds it convenient to daven, and does not have a hat, as when coming home from work, he will daven without one.

In this shul, they are not makpid on hats. Not for the Shliach Tzibbur, nor amongst the congregants. It is that type of shul. They ask this gentleman to daven at the Amud. He asks if they wear a talis for Ma''ariv ( he hasn't davened Ma'ariv there in a long time), thinking that then he can cover his head, because even though he will daven in shul without a hat, he isn't totally comfortable with the idea of davening at the Amud without it. he is told they don't wear taleisim. So he goes and davens anyhow.


The person is me. Does that make me a hypocrite?

STILL the most important person in the room

You will not believe this.

The person who had Yartzeit last week had it again this week. Apparently, his parents passed on relatively close to each other. I was not aware of this, and thought that he was just at the Amud.

Since I never said anything last time, this time was even worse, but at least I got a good view of what a Rov is supposed to be. Here are the details.

The Rov was davening slower than the Tzibbur, and did not want to hold up the minyan, so at Shema, he motioned the, I can't even call him a Shliach Tzibbur or Chazzan, we shall call him the Davener, to go ahead.

The minyan started Shemone Esrai a full TWO MINUTES before the Rov. The Rov, still not wanting to hold up the minyan, davened faster than usual. However, the Davener WAS STILL NOT DONE with his Shemone Esrai after six and one half minutes, while the Rov finished HIS shemone Esrai faster. So we had to wait for the Davener to finally finish his Tefilla, which took another 1/2 a minute.

Needless to say, I was quite upset with the whole scenario, and was going to speak to the Davener. Even though the conversation might have destroyed my relationship with him, I felt that for Chovod HaRav I really had no choice.

(I also felt I had no choice because over Shabbos, I was away, and the Ovel there davened longer than the Rov, and I said to my host that someone should talk to him and tell him how wrong he is, so I didn't want to be a hypocrite in my own shul)

However, before I spoke to this guy, I decided to speak to the Rov first. He informed me that in fact, the Davener DID have Yartzeit for a parent, and that it doesn't happen that often ( that people daven longer, not him having Yartzeit, which only happens twice a year), and that in this situation, it would be best if I just let in ride and not say anything.

I acquiesced to the wishes of the Rov, and have let the matter drop ( in shul, not here, though). But what I will take away from this whole story is that this Rov (1) understands that the Tzibbur is an entity that must be taken into account during davening. (2) the Rov, with all his Kavana, is ALWAYS cognizant of the needs of the Tzibbur, and his position as the rightful most important person in the room, (3) That he is not makpid on his kovod, which is appropriate for a Talmud Chachom, but still incumbent upon us to be makpid for him, and (4) he is a true Ohaiv Sholom and does not want, or to be the cause of, makloches in his shul.

Many others can learn from him, Baal Habatim, certainly Baalei Tefilla, and Rabbonim as well.

Who is the most important person in the room?

A friend of mine never davens, even when he has yartzeit. His line is "my father made me an orphan, not a chazzan".

Furthermore, we are constantly bemoaning the lack of stature of our current leaders. My main opinion on that is for another post, but what is the relevance of the two points here?

I shall explain.

I was in shul this morning with a yartzeit davening. Sure enough, at the end of shemone esrai, the Rabbi finished significantly ( more than 1/2 a minute, at least) before the shliach Tzibbur. I pretty much figured that it would happen, having seen this person daven before, but I hoped that the basic understanding of both Tircha D'tzibura, as well as Kovod HoRav might kick in. Alas, I was disappointed.

This behavior could be excused in the case of someone who only davens on a Yartzeit, which is a couple of times a year. However, this becomes a bigger problem when a regular Baal Tefilla or Ovel davens. So why is it that so many people don't understand this basic problem? that they feel that they are the most important person in the room? That the entire minyan is subject to their wonderul Kavanah? I just don't get it.

I feel ( perhaps it is my background, that puts less stock in having a yartzeit or ovel daven) that is someone is incapable of finishing within the time limits set by the Rov finishing, or the majority of the Tzibbur, then they should forgo being the Shliach Tzibbur at that minyan or find another shul to daven for that Tefilla ( which raises a whole other issue about Omud hopping, but again, that is for another post)

How can we then wonder why are Rabbonim are not afforded the respect that they deserve if we don't insist on giving it to them? This problem of davening longer than a Rov is then compounded by the entire Tzibbur not telling off the baal Tefilo, and the gabbaim putting such a person up to daven again. The problem then becomes one of enormous proportions, as our children see this and think it is OK not to stand up for the Kovod of a Rov.


When I think about this, the future scares me.

Wretched Excess Indeed

I saw a Tzedoko flyer in shul this shabbos for hachnosas orchim for lizenz. I am probably spelling it wrong, but it is the city in europe where people go on pilgrimage to daven at the kever of a godol.

The purpose of this flyer seemed to be to raise (tzedoko) money for the building of a hotel for those fortunate to be able to afford, in both money AND time, this truly superfluous trip.

I mean, there are gedolim here, both living and living in the olam haemes, that people can go do for brochos and needed yeshuos. So the trip to europe has to be deemed a vacation, as well as a luxury.

What struck me as completely outrageous about this flyer (which admittedly wasn't directed at me, since it was almost exclusively in Yiddish) was that they were looking to raise funds for what appeared to be the building of a hotel!

Even if they were raising money for food for the people that showed up, that would strain credibility, as the people going should be able to pay their own way, but to as people to subsidize a private, (what should be) for profit venture, in the name of tzedoko is truly beyond belief.

As one friend of mine put it, it is just the continuation of the wretched excess that has become the norm in our life.

I agree.